unimaginable wounds.

in the past week and a half or so, there have been two major wounds that have come up...one that is healing, and one that is wide open. two weeks ago, i could not have imagined that either of them would have happened in my wildest dreams!

the first that occurred happened so randomly, but God's hand was in it and i know He had been preparing it for a long time. i ran into two people with whom we've had a strong mutual dislike for each other. we hadn't talked for more than two years after our falling out. it was a long time healing, and a long time forgiving. it was a slow process, and i learned a lot from it. i wanted them to be gone from my life forever, but they just wouldn't leave. i kept feeling urged to pray for them, and i don't know why. so many times i felt like i should write them a note or a message or an e-mail just saying hi and that i forgave them, but i could never bring myself to it. last week we ran into each other, and i ended up going to the apartment of these people. that night i invited them to go to riverview with me on saturday night. on saturday afternoon, they invited me and my old roommate over for dinner before. it was fabulous! that said, it was still hard to look corey in the eye because i felt like i was doing something wrong. during the service, i turned to corey and said, "last week would you have thought..." and he interrupted me by saying, "no way, never!" i was going to say, "last week would you have thought that you, theresa, and i would be sitting here together? let alone talking and being friends?" he knew what i was going to say before i said it. a few minutes later i said, "good, because i just really needed to ask you that." at that moment, there was a total release, and everything felt normal. we both stood there just laughing because it was incredibly unimaginable! since then, we've gone to breakfast, church, hung out, and gone to a party together. last night, we finally talked a little bit about what happened in the past, and it was all out there on the table. basically, we are all happy that we're friends again. i am so incredibly excited to see what God is going to do, and for the new friendship that i have with them. God is restoring and making this friendship new. He works in such crazy and awesome ways! i am loving the way God is working! it is something i could not have imagined in a million years. listening to these brandon heath lyrics, they fit perfectly:

i wish you could see me now
i wish i could show you how
i'm not who i was

i used to be mad at you
a little on the hurt side too
but i'm not who i was

found my way around
to forgiving you sometime ago
but i never got to tell you.

the second is with my roommates. living here is so hard. it is hard to be a christ-follower in an apartment with two other "christians". one of my roommates has so many deep insecurities that are left untouched, and they are suppressed and arise in other parts of her life, affecting the people around her. she loves the momentary pleasure and cannot relieve herself from them. my other roommate is emotionally closed and will not deal with feelings, so resorts to trying to be funny and never serious. i just see so many hurts they've had in their lives and even though they call themselves "christians", they do not live as Christ followers. it hurts me to see them like this. i feel for them. they know God, but they don't know God. recently, they've found that they are "attracted" to each other, which is something that i've known in my mind for a long time. last week, i finally saw proof. all hell broke loose in this apartment. i have never felt so hurt in my entire life. with my roommate who is the girl, she never said she was sorry for her action, just that she was sorry that i found out. she said they planned on keeping it a secret until "i found out." she said that she doesn't want to stop doing anything with him "just in case they're meant to date." i told her that if they're supposed to be together, he will still be waiting when we're not roommates anymore. i just demand respect. a couple weeks prior to this, i had a serious conversation with her where boundaries and guidelines were set. i tried hard to keep them, and she broke them all. i was so hurt that someone could do that. my heart is hurting so horribly, and it is an open wound. i don't know how God is going to use this, but i know that he is. he loves me so much, and he will heal my heart. my roommate wrote me a note today that says, "do you think we're gonna be okay?" to which i honestly replied, "it's going to take a long time." they are living in the world. it hurts me to see this. my heart is deeply wounded. i am realizing who i can trust and who i cannot as well as who my real friends are. i could never have imagined being this hurt in my entire life. i don't know where God is going to take this or how He is going to use this. I am learning how to let God guard my heart.

i've been reminded that the Lord is faithful. he works in ways i don't understand and cannot comprehend.

"because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore i will wait for him'".

Great is thy faithfulness.