good day

so today as i was walking into work, i realized how thankful i am for it. thank you jesus for the way you work and the way your hand is in every situation. it took some time, but i love working here. the people, the atmosphere, the cause, the many perks, and not to mention the paychecks! i need to be thanking Him more and more for the things in my life He blesses me with.

last night when i arrived home around 1 am, i realized it had been a good day. why?

philosophy class: i didn't go. it turned out that we didn't do anything anyway...smart day to skip.

the element: where there was some sweet teaching, and then small group time where it was good to just be with the high school girls. sara and i ended up having a great conversation with a friend about politics and church planting, or transplanting, rather.

politics: donald miller said it best in searching for God knows what by saying: "Jesus is not a political party." growing up, i was taught that to be a christian, you have to be a republican. this is not true. jesus needs to stop being associated with one particular political viewpoint. jesus cares about the widows, the poor, the homeless, those less fortunate. where did we ever get the idea that he would not endorse social programs to help those people? tell me where in the bible he says that. i believe jesus cares deeply for everyone and wants us to help them. funny how the words "liberal" and "christian" are rarely found in the same sentence. i only want to follow what jesus says and not what a politician says. end of case.

church transplanting: wow. in california? i would love that. my heart leaps for joy when i think about it. maybe in my future?

line dancing: one more thing to make my day better...it's not something i would ordinarily like, but i do. it's sort of a guilty pleasure. country music, country boys: there's something deep inside of me that secretly enjoys them. perhaps not so secretly anymore.

tonight is the old roomie's birthday...the big 2-1. about an hour ago, i got really excited about it! more to come about that.

shalom.

sharing

i just got done having a great conversation. a friend of mine who recently rededicated his life to christ is just so amazing! he is such a blessing in my life, and an inspiration of the crazy ways God works! highlights from our talk:

• the physical act of getting down on your knees and praying to your abba father...something about it is so powerful. when we're on our knees, we're broken. God takes that brokenness and being on our knees and is working at that moment in amazing ways in our hearts.

• suffering. where we are right now, the struggles because we are following jesus, but in the end the glory will be so great. the reward will be worth the suffering for the name of jesus. rejoice in your suffering!

[1 peter 5:6-11]

something bigger than myself

how do we engage a teenage crowd and get them interested and realize the overwhelming need for jesus? an idea i heard quoted from donald miller is to get high schoolers involved in something bigger than themselves. a service project, reaching out to friends, etc...to stop living selfishly and start giving.

"give...and then give some more. give until it hurts." -brady nemmers

"therefore i urge you brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God- this is true worship." -romans 12:1



You show God you love Him by loving your neighbor as you love yourself…We are called to love recklessly. -brady.

so today i went to the advisor...

yes, this morning bright and early i went to the advisor's office to chit-chat about the future. i struggle a lot with what i'm going to do with my life. every time i go in there, i wish i would come out with knowing exactly what i'm going to do when i grow up...like they can tell the future or something. no, it doesn't work like that and i am no further ahead in figuring that out than when i walked in. here are a few of the highlights of the meeting:
1.) we talked about graduating on time-- yay! my classes next year will be classes i actually want to take. health comm, interpersonal, and spanish classes...good stuff.
2.) jobs- ick. i hate talking about jobs. she told me i need to get a suit over the summer and practice my interviewing. to be honest, when i think of a job that would fit me perfectly, there are no suits involved.
3.) internships- do i want one? i told her only if it's doing something i'm passionate about. i guess we'll see how that one turns out.
4.) spanish-- oh, i love spanish! jobs on the west side of the state...where i would ideally live if i stay around this place.
5.) grad school! yes or no? this seemed like the most appealing option i have. i would love to go and get a masters in health communication. it's in conjunction with the college of human medicine, and right up my ally! i am contemplating a trip to california to check out their graduate schools right after school gets out-- if finances allow it.
that's about it in news about the future.

today, God is teaching me about worry and anxiety.

cast all your fears on him because he cares for you.
so simple. yet so hard.
i'm constantly casting because he cares deeply about my soul. the constant choice to give it up to him. resting in the fact that he has his arms around me.

he is also teaching me what forgiveness means. still working on that. we'll save that for tomorrow.

unimaginable wounds.

in the past week and a half or so, there have been two major wounds that have come up...one that is healing, and one that is wide open. two weeks ago, i could not have imagined that either of them would have happened in my wildest dreams!

the first that occurred happened so randomly, but God's hand was in it and i know He had been preparing it for a long time. i ran into two people with whom we've had a strong mutual dislike for each other. we hadn't talked for more than two years after our falling out. it was a long time healing, and a long time forgiving. it was a slow process, and i learned a lot from it. i wanted them to be gone from my life forever, but they just wouldn't leave. i kept feeling urged to pray for them, and i don't know why. so many times i felt like i should write them a note or a message or an e-mail just saying hi and that i forgave them, but i could never bring myself to it. last week we ran into each other, and i ended up going to the apartment of these people. that night i invited them to go to riverview with me on saturday night. on saturday afternoon, they invited me and my old roommate over for dinner before. it was fabulous! that said, it was still hard to look corey in the eye because i felt like i was doing something wrong. during the service, i turned to corey and said, "last week would you have thought..." and he interrupted me by saying, "no way, never!" i was going to say, "last week would you have thought that you, theresa, and i would be sitting here together? let alone talking and being friends?" he knew what i was going to say before i said it. a few minutes later i said, "good, because i just really needed to ask you that." at that moment, there was a total release, and everything felt normal. we both stood there just laughing because it was incredibly unimaginable! since then, we've gone to breakfast, church, hung out, and gone to a party together. last night, we finally talked a little bit about what happened in the past, and it was all out there on the table. basically, we are all happy that we're friends again. i am so incredibly excited to see what God is going to do, and for the new friendship that i have with them. God is restoring and making this friendship new. He works in such crazy and awesome ways! i am loving the way God is working! it is something i could not have imagined in a million years. listening to these brandon heath lyrics, they fit perfectly:

i wish you could see me now
i wish i could show you how
i'm not who i was

i used to be mad at you
a little on the hurt side too
but i'm not who i was

found my way around
to forgiving you sometime ago
but i never got to tell you.

the second is with my roommates. living here is so hard. it is hard to be a christ-follower in an apartment with two other "christians". one of my roommates has so many deep insecurities that are left untouched, and they are suppressed and arise in other parts of her life, affecting the people around her. she loves the momentary pleasure and cannot relieve herself from them. my other roommate is emotionally closed and will not deal with feelings, so resorts to trying to be funny and never serious. i just see so many hurts they've had in their lives and even though they call themselves "christians", they do not live as Christ followers. it hurts me to see them like this. i feel for them. they know God, but they don't know God. recently, they've found that they are "attracted" to each other, which is something that i've known in my mind for a long time. last week, i finally saw proof. all hell broke loose in this apartment. i have never felt so hurt in my entire life. with my roommate who is the girl, she never said she was sorry for her action, just that she was sorry that i found out. she said they planned on keeping it a secret until "i found out." she said that she doesn't want to stop doing anything with him "just in case they're meant to date." i told her that if they're supposed to be together, he will still be waiting when we're not roommates anymore. i just demand respect. a couple weeks prior to this, i had a serious conversation with her where boundaries and guidelines were set. i tried hard to keep them, and she broke them all. i was so hurt that someone could do that. my heart is hurting so horribly, and it is an open wound. i don't know how God is going to use this, but i know that he is. he loves me so much, and he will heal my heart. my roommate wrote me a note today that says, "do you think we're gonna be okay?" to which i honestly replied, "it's going to take a long time." they are living in the world. it hurts me to see this. my heart is deeply wounded. i am realizing who i can trust and who i cannot as well as who my real friends are. i could never have imagined being this hurt in my entire life. i don't know where God is going to take this or how He is going to use this. I am learning how to let God guard my heart.

i've been reminded that the Lord is faithful. he works in ways i don't understand and cannot comprehend.

"because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'the Lord is my portion; therefore i will wait for him'".

Great is thy faithfulness.

love.

"love is the constant choice to give to another."

love and giving are so incredibly intertwined. "hav" in hebrew is "to give."
love is not selfish...if it's selfish, it's not love.
giving is loving.
God gave his son.
God gave because he loves.
God is love.

let us act upon love and start giving.
give until it hurts.

"most of us wait passively to let love act upon us."