my time are in His hands

there are those moments in life where all of the sudden there is a sobering reality that this life is full of sin and death and we are not meant to live in this world. the reality that this life is short hits you like a ton of bricks. yesterday i had one of those days. one thing after another seemed to come up and all of them were not good. i spent a couple hours praying and reading and trying to listen to what God has to tell me. i think he is telling me "patience, my child. do my will, and i will take care of you. you are in my arms, and i will not let you go. trust me, i love you."

a couple of these sobering realities:
heartbreak: we called it all off. i didn't have peace about it, and neither did he. we are going to start over again and actually get to know each other. we will see where God takes it.

sickness: my very good friend dani just found out that her dad has a massive brain tumor and is in a coma, and he might not make it. life is short, and he is only in his forties. if it is his time to go, i pray for strength for the family.

death: kayle's grandma is going to pass away within the next two days, and i pray for her grieving father. she is supposed to be on vacation with her dad in seattle, but she ended up going by herself while her dad went to iowa to be with her grandma for the last time.

this world is broken. i want restoration. the Lord knows what He is doing, and we have to trust in that fact. my times are in His hands.

jesus, i pray you would protect me from the lies that the devil is telling me. i pray i would not believe them, and that i would trust you.

relationshipping

who would've thought i would get myself into this?

it's true, i have a new boyfriend.
he is such an amazing guy.

that said, i'm still trying to figure out where my heart stands. i am incredibly nervous. i am trusting God with this. i feel like He is standing there telling me, "lauren, just trust me."
do i have a fear of commitment? what the heck is wrong with me? i guess i just didn't think that it would unfold this way. it came out of left-field and took me by surprise, and i keep trying to figure it all out. i made a list of things that i want to talk to him about, questions i have, and things i want to know. more than anything, i'm confused about all this. i seem to be taking it pretty lightly, and i'm trying to let God guard my heart instead of guarding it myself. i feel overwhelmed, and want peace about all of this. i don't think i could ever admit any of this to anyone, except for erin. i feel like now that i have him, why am i not at peace? i haven't even had time to process all of this and let it sink in. honestly, i keep forgetting about it.

God, give me clarity.

"i don't trust myself with lovin' you." -john mayer.