i want to have peace.

i've been in this really weird funk lately.
i don't really know what's wrong.
i am just sick of everything and everyone around me, yet being alone doesn't seem to suffice either.
i'm sick of school, work, friends, my apartment, and sometimes i almost feel like i'm sick of christianity.
i'm sick of working hard to be something, when i just want to relax and simply be.
there's always something more to be done.

i am not at peace.

i am not still.

i'm just not resting right now, and i so badly want to be.

i am tired.

sick

i don't find him funny.
i'm sick of the crude humor.
maybe i've just changed.
it's just not funny anymore.

i'm rather disgusted than laughing at what comes out of his mouth.
i hate who he has become.
not funny, uncaring, lazy, drunk, insecure, narcissistic, and completely inappropriate.
he is lacking jesus.

this friendship is unfruitful and frankly, i'm done with it.
i'm sick of living here & putting up with this. i'm done.



physically, i have the flu.
isn't flu season supposed to be over by now?
[ick.]

significance

can i just say that jesus is amazing?
the gospel is amazing.

i am learning so much lately. i started going to a new bible study, and i have to say it is great. i am so thankful for this group of people who i can bounce my thoughts off and get feedback and knowledge can be shared and questions can be asked. i am learning more and more about who i am in christ and what it looks like to be a follower of jesus.

basically, what is this life all about?
the search for significance.

"God didn't design our hearts to be satisfied ultimately with anything this world has to offer." -steve somerlot
what does this mean? we search for significance in every corner of our lives, things to fill us up. but they ultimately leave us empty. so, our significance must come from the only thing that satisfies ultimately. jesus. being just who we are and falling at his feet. total surrender so that he can show us how he sees us and how we are significant in him. we are not living for man or for this world, but for our father in heaven.

"we are built for significance. our problem is not that we search for it, but that we search for it in all the wrong places." -joe stowell
friendships, children, jobs, homes, cars, sex, alcohol, sports. a search to know who we are. we all want to be something, and instead of simply being who we are, we want to be more or be someone else. we simply need to be. let your creator show you your significance. just ask him.

we all know that there is something deeper down.

the gospel: live out the gospel so that others can see what jesus is like. i am what many people see of jesus. my life needs to line up with jesus. what does that look like? what does that mean? what needs to change?

jesus simply wants me to be who i am. i am his.